Hi Prplrkl,
Welcome to Microsoft Community.
I'm Hahn and I'm here to help you with your concern.
It sounds like you've tried a thorough set of troubleshooting steps already. Given the symptoms, the problem might be hardware-related, but before jumping to that conclusion, there are still a few things you can try:
- Run the Surface Diagnostic Toolkit: Fix common Surface problems using the Surface app and Surface Diagnostic Toolkit - Microsoft Support
- Manually update Surface drivers and firmware: Download drivers and firmware for Surface - Microsoft Support
- Reset Your Surface: If none of the above steps work, you might need to reset your Surface using a USB recovery image. This will reinstall Windows and might resolve the issue. Make sure to back up your data before doing this. Creating and using a USB recovery drive for Surface - Microsoft Support
Given that your USB port seems entirely non-functional, and you've tried many software solutions, the issue might indeed be hardware-related. How to get service or repair for Surface - Microsoft Support
I hope this helps. If there is anything not clear, please do not hesitate to let me know.
Your Sincerely
Hahn. W - MSFT | Microsoft Community Support Specialist