Dear killtheoligarchy,
Good day to you!
I hope you are doing well. Thanks for reaching out to our Microsoft Community Forum. We will be happy to help you.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re experiencing an issue. Based on your description, I’d be happy to work with you to resolve it.
Honestly, the latest version of Office is only supported on the latest 3 versions of Mac OS. Since you are using Mac OS Monterey, you may need to install the older Office package that's compatible with your Mac OS. You can download the 16.89.1 installation version from this link: Office suite (withTeams) or from this page: Update history for Office for Mac - Office release notes | Microsoft Learn
For Mac OS Catalina, you must install the old version 16.66.
For MacOS Big Sur, you can download version 16.77 of Office.
For Mac OS Monterey 12.7.6, you can download version 16.89.1
If you have any question, please feel free let us know for further assistance.
Thank you for your understanding. Your cooperation and contributions are greatly appreciated.
Kind Regards,
Nahid Sultan